A Comprehensive Guide to Dealing with Excessive Loki Feels
by Speed of Darkness
Summary: Fangirls are going crazy. Here's what you can do!


First, know the signs. Your fangirl may exhibit squealing, squeaking, shrieking, crying, moaning, shaking, loss of balance, inability to apply herself to work or school, and occasional fits of incoherency. These symptoms usually present themselves during or immediately after viewing the movies _Thor _or _The Avengers_, but there are some cases of delayed manifestation. If you are having trouble determining if this affliction is stemming from another fandom, here are some telling signs for Loki feels:

Responding oddly to trigger words such as 'reindeer', 'Norse', 'frost', 'mischief', or 'let go'

Any utilization of the phrases 'Kneel, mortal scum' or 'Loki'd'

Loudly correcting anyone who says 'banana' with 'PLANTAIN!'

Taunting a sibling with the exact phrase 'Will you ever stop falling for that?'

Wearing uncharacteristically large amounts of green and gold. A gold, horned helmet is a dead giveaway.

Knowing more than the average _Avengers_ fan about Norse mythology, particularly concerning the god of mischief and lies (not applicable if enrolled in mythology class or boasting some other legitimate excuse)

Having an intense, unexplained dislike of the Hulk

"I am burdened with glorious…" Purpose. Porpoise. Purses. No matter what she claims to be burdened with, she's really burdened with Loki feels: glorious Loki feels.

Once it has been determined that your fangirl has excessive Loki feels, you must take every precaution to prevent feel escalation, as it endangers both the fangirl and those around her. Harmful effects include addiction to tumblr, personal or Internet stalking of Mr. Hiddleston, transitioning over to the dark side, army formation, and, most horrendous of all, bad fanfiction. In order to prevent this from happening, you should take the following actions:

Give her chocolate. Chocolate consumption triggers the release of chemicals in the brain which cause feelings of happiness. This will usually be sufficient to stop immediate symptoms, but cases of feels most often recur. View this as a treatment, not a cure. There is no empirical evidence for any specific type of chocolate over another; it is recommended that you use whichever your fangirl seems to prefer.

Introduce her to another fandom. This approach serves as a distraction from Loki feels, but it presents a high risk of introducing new feels to the situation. When choosing a fandom, one must walk a fine line between ensuring it is interesting enough to hold her attention and screening any characters who consistently draw large numbers of fangirls. Your fangirl's individual interests should be taken into consideration when this decision is made.

Get her friends on board. If she has no one close reinforcing her obsession, the intensification rate of feels can be contained. Other friends who suffer from excessive Loki feels should have limited access under supervision to your fangirl until at least one of them is capable of holding a five minute conversation without mentioning or alluding to Loki.

Help her to find a flaw in Loki. Her obsession will end fairly quickly once she recognizes something in Loki that puts her off. Exercise extreme caution when taking this approach: fangirls are always defensive of their fictional crushes. That which is obvious is unlikely to be effective towards your end, so do not even bother attempting: evil, liar, power-hungry, killer, lost the battle, has stupid-looking helmet. You have to know your fangirl to know what arguments might hold sway. *Note: some studies indicate that this approach is impossible for avid Loki fangirls.

Get her a boyfriend. Feels are occasionally fed by loneliness. With the introduction of a new boyfriend, Loki is pushed out of her mind's spotlight, even if he is still waiting in the wings. This approach tends to work best if the boy is close to as good-looking as Loki. Good luck with that.

You should NEVER attempt the following when dealing with a fangirl:

Cut her off cold turkey from her Loki paraphernalia. If deprived of pictures, posters, memes, tumblr, youtube, fanfiction, or movies, she may become withdrawn, depressed, or even violent.

Push the fact upon her that Loki is fictional and therefore unattainable. Fangirls universally hate that; they are fangirls because they prefer withdrawing to their fandom over constantly living in reality.

Be critical of Loki or of your fangirl for falling victim to his feels. This will drive a wedge between you and your fangirl and thus make treating her condition that much more difficult.

Following all of these guidelines is guaranteed to deal effectively with your fangirl's excessive Loki feels. NOT! You've been LOKI'D! Now go join the fangirl army!


End file.
